Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in elgert_tanzer's LiveJournal:

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Monday, November 30th, 2009
12:35 pm	Return of the Dreem I was watching the Final Fantasy Tactics movie, and I was quite upset by the number of changes to the plot. Not only did they make the minor subplot concerning Reis the Dragon-tamer the focus of the film, she was a woman who was trying to turn back into a dragon rather than a dragon trying to regain her human form, and they cut out the character of Beowulf entirely. After a Xena-esque fight sequence, Reis prepared to finally turn into a dragon, but instead became a towering mossy stone giant with a deep bass voice, and everyone fell through a portal... ...to North Carolina. The party were all scattered, and Sam, Merry, and Pippin ended up outside a country house where the orchids were in full bloom. Sam was awkwardly climbing a hedge sculpted to resemble a tree, while Merry and Pippin observed an unshaven, barefoot man sitting on the porch, whom they were invisible to. "Look, Merry, he's just like our old Bert!" Pippin whispered excitedly, as the man idly mimed drinking a beer and wiping the foam off his upper lip. Current Mood: tired Current Music: High Tide - The Joke (Comment on this)
Thursday, October 22nd, 2009
8:45 pm	Thetan Dreem The library at the Scientology compound had many high windows, only on interior walls, and all of which were covered by metal shutters. I flipped a switch to raise the shutters but was told "it's cheerier with them down." I then went to the dark, mazelike bathroom and was disgusted by how dirty it was—mold all over the ceilings and in the corners, shit smeared on the floor. "Scientologists have the dirtiest bathrooms," I said to no one in particular. "How can you say that?" someone shouted in reply. "You've only been in three stalls!" Current Mood: lazy Current Music: KTU - Optikus (Comment on this)
Friday, August 28th, 2009
6:52 am	Disambiguation "Porpoises are small cetaceans of the family Phocoenidae; they are related to whales and dolphins. They are distinct from dolphins, although the word "porpoise" (pronounced /ˈpɔrpəs/) has been used to refer to any small dolphin, especially by sailors and fishermen. The most obvious visible difference between the two groups is that porpoises have flattened, spade-shaped teeth distinct from the conical teeth of dolphins, and shorter beaks." Current Mood: anxious Current Music: Assemble Head in Sunburst Sound - The Slumbering Ones (Comment on this)
Thursday, July 30th, 2009
12:05 am	NC Dreem On I-40 somewhere near Raleigh, we were overtaken by someone in a big rusted periwinkle-blue Ford from the late '50s or so. He kept swerving around and cutting in front of us, and falling behind only to speed up and cut in front of us again. Sarah wrote down his license plate number, which I used to give him some scathing negative feedback on eBay. He later replied with the following message: "i'm a cowboy, that's just how i roll" (Comment on this)
Tuesday, April 28th, 2009
5:29 pm	Little Victories I love when I manage to snatch up sub jobs in advance. It requires checking SubFinder at just the right time, and you have a very small window of opportunity in which to accept a posted job before someone else does. It's kind of like winning a game, except the prize is work. Current Mood: accomplished Current Music: David Bowie - Sunday (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Wednesday, April 15th, 2009
4:54 pm	Haaaaaaaaaaahahahahahahahaha From today's "tea party" protests: Also, on the way home from work, was behind someone who had a bumper sticker that read "Planned Parenthood: Destroying a generation, one child at a time." Idiocy is flourishing in America, but all I can do right now is laugh the anger and stupefaction away. Current Music: Eyeless in Gaza - The Lovely Wanton (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Thursday, April 9th, 2009
5:30 am	Dreem of Chicken Attached to your kitchen ceiling is what looks like a large metal mixing bowl, with light pouring out from between the rim of the bowl and the ceiling. This sort of ceiling lamp is very common, of course—it doesn't use a bulb, but filling it with whipped cream or chicken broth causes it to emit light. We call this a kitchen light, but that name is really a corruption of "chicken light." (Comment on this)
Sunday, April 5th, 2009
3:54 pm	Beechcombr Morning, and the creamy sea lapped at the cinnamon sands. The crabs were out early, carrying baguettes and looking like little scuttling ships. The sun warmly chuckled and in a deep, rumbling tone spoke his daily riddle: "I see what you see, and want what you want, on oyster shells my beak made blunt." "It's that forlorn-looking seabird over there," I replied, and sure enough, it was. The sun handed me a long-necked green bottle of fizzy-pop, and as I turned to show off my prize, I noticed that Shavey was gone. We later found him about a mile down the beach, furiously rubbing a crab against a hunk of bread. "When do we eat? When. Do. We. Eat?" "Soon, but not soon enough." (Comment on this)
Monday, March 16th, 2009
5:20 pm	Cinematic Titanic Despite my earlier enthusiasm regarding Cinematic Titantic, I've only just recently gotten around to watching an episode—I picked The Wasp Woman for no particular reason. And...it's pretty good, but inconsistent. The movie is classic Roger Corman, and concerns a mad (but lovable) scientist who devises a formula apparently to change guinea pigs into rats. The riffs are mostly on-target throughout the film, though they seem to lose steam toward the end, as was unfortunately typical of MST3K as well. There are a couple of skits they pause the film to perform, and they both really fall flat, both because the skits themselves aren't particularly funny, and because the transition from riffing to skit seems really awkward and forced. There also isn't a summative skit at the end—I didn't realize how much I enjoyed those in MST3K until this episode quietly ended with the credits. I know Mary Jo Pehl is generally not well-liked among MST3K fans, but this is the first time I've found myself really agreeing with them. Her personality in Cinematic Titanic is almost indistinguishable from her Pearl Forrester character, and she seems very out of place riffing on the movie among the other MST3K alums. Her delivery is just bad. I can't pinpoint exactly why, but she takes lines that would have made me laugh were they spoken by Trace or Josh, and just robs them of their humor. Ultimately, I'm still really glad to see new material from these new guys at all, and it's great that it's at least comparable in quality to MST3K. They've done several episodes since, so hopefully they're getting better. (Comment on this)
Monday, March 9th, 2009
8:41 am	Fragment Wisdom winds around her fingers shadow puppets incomplete, Leopard eggs and mermaid legs (and all that's legs must end in feet) Current Mood: toasty Current Music: Thinking Plague - Organism (version II) (Comment on this)
Friday, February 13th, 2009
10:21 am	I am going to rip my tonsils out of my throat with my bare hands. The worst part about only being only sort of sick is that you don't really know whether over the next day or two you're going to be getting better or worse. Woke up yesterday morning feeling like I had a bus parked in my throat, but it got a little better as the day wore on. Didn't feel feverish, still had a good appetite, etc. Woke up this morning, and Worse. WebMD has proven to be mildly reassuring, though. As I am coughing up copious amounts of sputum, this points to a viral infection, rather than strep throat that is going to cause rheumatic fever and my early demise. (Comment on this)
Thursday, February 12th, 2009
12:31 pm	Dreem Fighter Somewhere there exists a version of Street Fighter II with a different ending depending on the character you're playing as and the last opponent you fight. If you beat the game as Zangief with Balrog as your final opponent, the ending involves each finding out the other is a virtuoso jazz pianist. They don black wide-brimmed hats, make deranged facial expressions, and decide to form a band called "Niger's Eight Children." Their adventures are further chronicled in a pair of raunchy adventure games similar to Leisure Suit Larry, made by an obscure developer, and only released for an unpopular system, maybe 3D0. The developer only released one further game, an equally unsuccessful golden retriever simulator, before closing their doors for good. ...I should probably stop reading Hardcore Gaming 101 so much. Current Mood: amused Current Music: Japan - The Other Side of Life (Comment on this)
Friday, January 30th, 2009
1:35 am	Whoops I accidentally kicked the dog in the face, but I think she's forgiven me. Current Mood: relieved Current Music: The Residents - The River of Crime (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Sunday, December 28th, 2008
11:46 am	Feline Dreem Sarah and I were following this nice old lady through the center of an old town. We stopped at a nondescript storefront. The old woman put her finger to her lips, unlocked the door, and we followed her in. Inside it became clear that she was the embodiment of the essence of Grandmother, and this was her private restaurant. There were white curtains and red cloth napkins, Norman Rockwell pictures, and needlepoint saying things like "Home Sweet Home." Then her head turned into a cat's head and the restaurant began flooding with chocolate milk because she had forgotten to take her Cat-Ritalin. Edit: Cat-Grandmother has made a cameo appearance in a recent Slow Wave comic: http://slowwave.com/index.php?date=09-01-03 Current Music: Big Star - What's Going Ahn (Comment on this)
Sunday, December 21st, 2008
4:58 pm	Scribblenauts This looks like it has the potential to be one of the most hilariously brilliant games ever. Here's hoping it's not a colossal disappointment. Current Music: Roy Harper - Me and My Woman (Comment on this)
Tuesday, November 11th, 2008
1:38 am	Your Separate Self Your separate self sits on the shelf and watches you pass by and through. He smiles and sighs and idly pops the bubbles that you never blew. (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Wednesday, November 5th, 2008
4:00 pm	Red Leaves and Green Men It's autumn. Actual frigging autumn, with the leaves as warm and bright as kitschy landscape paintings would have you believe. I'm never going back to Florida. I've also become acquainted with a creature I had never before encountered face to face. Its eyes and mouth are clearly visible, it has different arms and legs, and walks upright. Anybody who's spent any length of time with me knows I can't stand insects. I hate and fear them. As soon as I detect a mosquito/housefly/particularly large or ugly spider indoors, I will not rest until the little bastard is convulsing in a pool of Raid. ...but I could never kill a mantis. Look at it! It's like a little person. It probably understands you when you talk to it. I kind of want to keep one as a pet, but it would seem too much like slavery. The one I'd been observing apparently found its way inside, and I found it crumpled on the living room floor, the color of dead leaves. The dog probably killed it. Slugs are cute too. Current Mood: cheerful Current Music: Nico - Desertshore (Comment on this)
Monday, September 29th, 2008
10:12 pm	How Not to Commit Suicide If you decide to run the car in the garage to suffocate yourself, at least have the courtesy not to do so when other people are home. My friend Derek and another guy are dead because this selfish shithead decided to off himself. Derek and I haven't really been close since college, but he'd text me to wish me a happy holiday on every holiday, even the ones I forgot existed. He was a genuinely good guy, and the last person on Earth you'd think would die young. Current Mood: infuriated (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Sunday, September 21st, 2008
5:44 am	Recent Discoveries There exists such a product called Tymbark apple mint drink. It is absolutely delicious. I found at the international foods market near here, and with my luck, they will never have it again. The most famous unreleased Pink Floyd project is a pair of song sequences called The Man and the Journey: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Man_And_The_Journey Quite a bit of this was drawn from or later appeared on various albums, but a good portion wasn't. This interested me greatly during my Pink Floyd fanboy phase in high school, and some of my very first downloads on Kazaa in the early days of music sharing (well, early for me) were snippets of this that were of a barely-listenable quality. And that was the best I could hope for, I figured. Today I found out that there exists a complete bootleg of an Amsterdam performance of this show. It's from a soundboard recording, and is of such good quality that it could have been a commercial release. Like, it actually sounds as good as, if not better than, the live half of Ummagumma. I might be the last rabid Pink Floyd fan to know about this, but I am so excited to finally be listening to music I thought I would never hear. Edit: Sheesh. Didn't even mention Rick Wright's death, and I could have sworn I posted about it a few days ago. It's of course what's fueled my recent Pink Floyd mania, and relistening to early Floyd really makes you feel what a terrible loss it was. His keyboard textures were one of the most essential (if not THE most essential) aspects of the classic Pink Floyd sound. There's honestly not a single Floyd song he had a hand in writing that I don't like. Remember a Day and See-Saw captivated me before any other early Floyd did. Summer '68 has always been my favorite track on Atom Heart Mother. Even the much-reviled It Would Be So Nice has a certain naive charm to it. And that's not even mentioning Us and Them, Shine On You Crazy Diamond, Echoes, and the other major Floyd pieces that have his mark all over them. Really nothing else to add that hasn't already been said. I'm not looking forward to seeing all the musicians I admire die. Even despite my lack of religion, my thoughts turn to heaven's supergroups. Mine would feature Syd Barrett, Richard Wright, Pierre Moerlen, and Pip Pyle. All I need now is for a bassist I really like to kick the bucket so I can complete my lineup. Edit 2: Forgot about John Entwistle. Has it really been over six years since he's been gone? Wow. Current Mood: nerdy Current Music: Pink Floyd - Biding My Time (Comment on this)
Sunday, September 14th, 2008
2:03 pm	I Dream About Parking Lots Unusually Often We were taking a break from class in my high school's parking lot, which had various small stores surrounding it. I went inside one and bought a Bit-O-Honey, or some form of caramel or toffee that broke apart in squares. The last piece I gave to someone dressed as the Cowboy from Mulholland Drive, who approached me asking for one of my "delicious chewy squares." Many other people were wandering around in costume, and I was shocked to find someone dressed up as a Klan member. I was wondering why the crowd hadn't torn him apart yet, when I looked closer and saw that he was merely dressed as Gandalf the White. The point of this break was so that we could get inspiration for poems that had to be about everyday objects undoing themselves in ironic or cosmically appropriate ways. For example, ice cube trays melting or vacuum cleaners vacuuming themselves up. We returned to class and Sarah got up to recite her poem. She pushed play on a boombox which began playing breakbeats and began to speak about destroying objects at a miniature golf course, knocking different colored golf balls through them with cheap plastic clubs. It was all very beautiful, and I tried to remember more specific details of it while I was waking up, but deep down felt that it would be plagiarism if I claimed it as my own work. - Also, I'm 24 today. Almost halfway to 50. This isn't right. Current Mood: old Current Music: Pharoah Sanders - The Creator Has a Master Plan (Comment on this)